we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize