Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to calm my uterus...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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