in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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