I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
