I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
