you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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