my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize