I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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