Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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