peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My Higher Power is John Stamos
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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