Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
