He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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