This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize