Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
