Sry I called you an 8
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
