I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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