you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
