Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
