I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They have beer where we have blood.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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