I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
