I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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