I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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