I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
