i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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