we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
