OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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