I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
