please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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