Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
