For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
