pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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