Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
