Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
