Sry I called you an 8
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
