Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
