honey bunches of taint.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
