Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is it penis luge time yet?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
