Don't you send me to vm
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
