Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize