Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
