she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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