Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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