btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
