don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
