The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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