Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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