I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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