took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
