your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
