I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
