Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize