should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
