So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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