No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
