Please, let me fuck your mom
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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