Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize