4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
