Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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