Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
