Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
