fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
