Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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