Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
