Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize