You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
