so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
love makes seman taste better
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
