Pappa wants mamma naked
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
