come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
