Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
