bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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