I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
