Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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