IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
