I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry about my life...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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