Whod you bang
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
