Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
