I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
