life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
