apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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