I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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