I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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