Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
