She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No stitches, just platelets and will power
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize