Say something about gay babies.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
