They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
