Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
