It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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