my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
