Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
