I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
