im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
