so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
