I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I deserve this hangover.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
