Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We smell like vodka and hangover
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