my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
