Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
