It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
