You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
