saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
