Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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