sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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