I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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