Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
