my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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