a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
