where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
