It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
