Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
