New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
