My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize