sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
